You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
