if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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