chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he thought i was a dude.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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