it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
