Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
