Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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