Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
