Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
