I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
