I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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