I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Randomize
