Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
