Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
