Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.