I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok