omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security