So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
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I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny