Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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