Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
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you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.