I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT