I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.