He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
