I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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