We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
