he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
