Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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