She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
