Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
