Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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