Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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