He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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