I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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