Do you still have your period?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
