i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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