i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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