I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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