Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
