ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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