apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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