Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Houston, we have a blender
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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