True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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