Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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