i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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