We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
