ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
