So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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