i jhust puked up my retainher.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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