It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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