turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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