it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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