i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize