gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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