Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
