is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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