We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
