Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh god the rape fog is back!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
