1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
