Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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