Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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