Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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