you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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