matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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