You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
